Archive for the 'dating' Category

Ad algorithms

September 27, 2013

Well, I’ve noticed that I seem to get ads for Christian singles dating services when I listen to Alison Krauss & Union Station featuring Jerry Douglas concerts on YouTube.  I get part of why that happens, but are they guessing I’m single on the basis of some other piece of information they have captured, or is that just a statistical guess?

This morning Jordan gave me a couple of pocket-sized New Testaments cum Psalms and Proverbs, which he had been given during the course of his commute to college in downtown Boston.

I’m probably more in need of a dating guide than the religious texts.

 

Addendum:  In today’s Boston Globe, there’s a story on the front page related to Christian dating, unfortunately a heartbreaker:  “A love story, in life and death,” by Bryan Marquard.

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Inadequacy

February 23, 2013

I’ve gotten feedback at times that I intimidate people and/or  have expectations that make them feel inadequate.  It took me a long time to understand how that happens.

The basic idea is that if my talents go unacknowledged by others, and if I don’t appreciate them myself, then I expect everybody else to have them too — else why would mine not be valued and appreciated as special, as making me deserving of some sort of recognition?

Willy recognized and appreciated them, and, as I think I’ve written here before, wrote about that in a letter he wrote me when he was on Kwaj.

When I recognize and appreciate them myself, I am more charitable towards others, on the one hand; on the other, I am much more detached within my relationships.

After Willy died, my sister remarked to me that I must regret having married.  The context of her remark indicated that she thought of marriage as some dry business partnership in which there is exact bookkeeping of things brought to the relationship and things used from it, with a big emphasis on the financial.  I know her to be an outlier in many respects (my college roommates made that clear whenever she visited), so I didn’t give much thought to whether her notion of marriage is a model others use.  But I think I’m encountering it with others, with men who seem to want some kind of a resume in order to have a social relationship.

The most important aspects of my particular talents are not on my resume, although what is there reflects the skills I’ve learned that help me make use of my talents.  People for whom this makes no sense clearly need to be dating someone else.  And people with whom I have to have an argument about this probably don’t want to date me for some other reason they prefer not to examine or communicate.  That’s okay with me, too.  And both these sets of charming men can do what I do on their own if it’s so unremarkable, they clearly don’t need me.

Speed-dating and puppies

March 23, 2012

Somebody today advised me to rethink my decision about not getting a dog right now, and to try speed-dating.

I don’t know, recently I had the experience of a man in my neighborhood walking me home from the bus we both take on Sundays and then throwing his arms around me and saying “Love, love” (he doesn’t speak English, and my Chinese is worse).  I was taken aback.  Not that speed-dating is like that, I would guess, but it certainly didn’t encourage me to put myself out there, so to speak.  I tried the dating-the-relative-of-a-trusted-friend routine a few years ago, and discovered a world of difference between the siblings — so much for the reliability of that approach.

The dog or puppy idea I just don’t think I’m ready for, but, on the other hand, puppies I hear are real good magnets for attracting dating prospects.