Boys

July 19, 2013

My younger son is a big fan of the deli counter.  On the other hand, while I like cold cuts, I really dislike going up to the counter, even with a number in hand, because I so often get overlooked, even when my number is called and I respond.

My son has figured out that I especially like sliced roast beef, and now, even when he’s just going on a deli run for himself, he buys the roast beef and makes sure I’m aware it’s there for me in the fridge.

This may sound small, but it’s not.  After their dad died, my younger son and my older son lost faith in the idea of family, especially as reflected in the act of eating the same food together — I came to see it as almost a statement of faith lost.  They each maintained a relationship with me, but they could not make that emotional investment in being a family again.  Their having lost their original families (they are adopted) was a factor, and so, too, has been the attitude of extended family towards them (which, from my perspective, basically created a self-fulfilling prophecy that things would not go well for them).  My younger son articulated this to a family therapist shortly after the death, and his brother agreed.

So this roast beef supply is a significant thing in this context.  I say “Boys,” because it’s my experience of boys that most of them show you rather than tell you about their emotional state.

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2 Responses to “Boys”

  1. kleimheist Says:

    The family togetherness meal “cum laude” is the traditional Shabbos meal every week, night & day. Your sons look so spiffy and neat in that Pesach photo. It could be that way every week.

    • Diana Moses Says:

      We used to do a traditional Shabbos meal. In fact, even while my husband was alive, that was a meal I cooked. (He did most of the cooking in general, in part because he ate about twice as much as most men.) Recently I came across some papers from his study for being called as a bar mitzvah as an adult.


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