Different pages

September 20, 2012

I can follow explanations of Einstein’s theories of relativity, but I don’t pretend to fully and accurately understand them, so the following might not be completely right.

What I want to describe is the feeling of meeting someone to whom I feel connected but whom I can’t seem to reach — the person and I are on different pages.

One way I’ve understood it is in terms of what would happen if two people started off together in place and time and one traveled forward in time according to one pattern, the other took a very different route.  The difference in the routes or even modes of travel result in their ending up back again together but not matched.

What then?

I like to begin with trying to be kind to each other in such a situation, trying not to escalate the gap.  It could be thought of and maybe handled in the way of actors stepping out of their roles to consult with each other and the director about how to play the scene.  When the actors are from different countries and preparing for the scene miles apart, the situation becomes more difficult, and when situations involve something like that, then some sort of attention to process, too, is needed, I think.

In such situations I struggle with walking away and asking the universe for another pitch, one I can hit more easily (especially if I sense the other person is uncomfortable too), but sometimes I wonder whether I’m supposed to try to hit the pitch I’ve got.

Every once in a while it occurs to me that maybe what I’m already doing is the thing I’m supposed to be doing, and that the only problem is that I don’t like what my role is and it’s really hard to play and it feels to me as if “it’s not working for me,” as they say.

Identifying that and naming it I hope helps move me forward, to something more comfortable — either acceptance of the relationship even if it doesn’t make a lot of sense to me and communication about it never improves.  Other times I think accepting the status quo is actually the worst thing I can do, if the situation is actually not working for me, and that this experience is really about accepting loss and moving on.

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