Pattern recognition

June 24, 2012

I seem to keep repeating the same pattern with someone in my life.  Every time this person denies there’s something more they could be doing within the relationship and tells me to pick up the slack, I respond with something to the effect that having a relationship with them is a mistake.

Whatever one thinks of the merits of the substance of the positions, the pattern is unmistakable at this point — we’ve been doing this for over a year.  I am wondering whether they will ever propose a different idea or whether we will just keep repeating this exchange of telling the other person what they don’t want to hear.

I actually suspect both positions may be tenable if both are adopted simultaneously — no relationship and I pick up the slack.  What I don’t think can be the case is having one of the positions adopted and not the other.

The piece that is missing that I suspect allows this pattern to continue is a lack of appreciation that however much they are trying to avoid harm to themselves, they are asking the other person to accept that much harm themselves.

What would resolve this situation into a win-win would be a proposal for which the mirror image would be equally acceptable to the initial proposer.


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