Keeping difficult situations unresolved

June 11, 2012

I’m not sure it’s terribly original to notice that a situation that is difficult to handle or bear is not necessarily “wrong,” in the sense I should be looking for a way to change it or I should be critiquing it.  After all, I do always have the option of accepting the situation as it is and naming that I find it difficult, even very or too difficult (I’d like to use the superlative in the way some other languages do, to use the same form of the adjective to communicate both “very [adjective]” and “too [adjective]”).  That would leave me open to the liberating possibility that nothing is wrong, that I’m just experiencing something difficult and painful, or rather, as difficult and painful.

Sometimes I think my experience of a situation is more difficult and painful than it would be if I were experiencing it purely from my own point of view and with my own tools.  I think if I am interpenetrating with people who have other ways of parsing the world and I use their tools to interpret my life, it keeps me from re-framing situations so they are okay, because the other person doesn’t do this.  And of course, they don’t have to.  I think awareness by itself that this may be going on is helpful to me.

Like a melody that wants to resolve to the tonic, I have this desire to try to resolve situations I find difficult and painful.  But maybe I should just let them be, accept that I find them difficult and painful, and not try to “fix” them.  Maybe just observing them dispassionately will be a way for me to make progress.  Maybe somehow allowing the situation to remain unresolved serves the greater good.  I can see that if I just accept it then I don’t have to keep trying to get anyone else to do something different from what they’re doing, and I’m beginning to think that that’s actually a path that’s more draining to me than this other I’m considering.  “Working it out” with another person may for me actually involve not working it out.

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2 Responses to “Keeping difficult situations unresolved”

  1. Dot Says:

    beautiful, gentle and honoring to self and others….
    Thank you… 🙂


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