June 8, 2012

The kind I’m thinking about is karmic, the imbalance we may develop with another soul over time.  And the pattern I am experiencing in my life time after time is a person who on the one hand admits to owing a debt in my direction and asks for a relationship ostensibly to redress that, but then repeats the same behavior that led to the debt in the first place.

What’s the challenge?  What’s the lesson?

I figured out years ago the part about being able to work out my end of it with the universe at large, that God, if you will, can fill in for anybody, kind of like the Universal Donor (not to be confused with one of those billionaire contributors to a Super PAC) and give me what I need regardless of what another human being is or is not offering.

The part I’m still trying to figure out is how to maintain a relationship with the person nonetheless.  They sometimes do the equivalent of making a partial payment regularly and want that to suffice.  The usual solution of “boundaries” isn’t available to me as an empath — as lame as it may sound, it’s all or nothing with me, whatever I or anyone else thinks I should be able to do.

That leaves me to witness the situation: I have a relationship with someone who is taking more than they are giving, doesn’t see it, isn’t going to change.  If it serves the greater good for me to continue in the relationship, I’ll have to try to redress with God whatever deficit it produces.  Again, this much I have been aware of for a while.

What’s new for me is to realize that part of my challenge is to maintain that view of the situation within the relationship, not to accede, which as an empath I all too easily do, to the other person’s worldview.

What’s interesting to me is that when the person is, as seems to be the rule with this pattern, someone with a thick self-protective outer shell, there is a problem of misinterpreting the reflections of each other, of mistaking the other for the self, of getting lost in the mirrors, as in a fun house at a carnival.  The other person invariably thinks they are supposed to convert me to their worldview (with some people it has been overtly about conversion to their religion, with others it has been about adopting atheism, or secular rationalism or social sciencism or artism — whatever the other person’s belief system happens to be).

I think the lesson is sticking to my truth, as I think we call it nowadays, even within the relationship.  (I have explored the option of simply exiting the relationship, that variation I think I have mastered, but the continued recurrence of this pattern suggests to me there’s another option I need to learn.)  I think maybe I’m supposed to stay in there, in that relationship, with my understanding and my worldview and to maintain those things but not to try to promote them.

For me it’s a little like entering a toxic zone without a hazmat suit and needing to find another way to stay in there without being overcome.  Part of the technique seems to involve not blaming the other person in the relationship but also not going along with their point of view about it — and not expecting it to change.  I suspect I have difficulty with this arrangement because I’m not altogether sure I understand the point of it.  But I usually don’t understand the point of something going into it, I usually only see its significance in retrospect, when I am well out of the situation, and I know I don’t need to understand it to understand that I should undertake it nonetheless.

The other part of the technique that I seem to need to work on is to have faith in the universe that there really is a way to do this in which everyone’s greater good, including my own, is served.  That’s probably where I am now with this, working on acceptance and faith.  We all put on our trousers one leg at a time, as they say — it’s usually just another iteration of the very basic lessons we all work at, like acceptance and faith.



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